We’re married …. aren’t we?

September 3, 2016 § Leave a comment

2012 balloonMy sweet husband tells me he likes the lime jello dessert and I say  how happy it makes me feel when he likes something I’ve made for him. Our life is simple. I make and he thoroughly enjoys the experience of eating – all food is comfort food. Happiness is setting the table knowing what comes next – food!

I let him know that if the tables were turned (oops, I forgot who I was talking to), if I was the one with dementia, he would take good care of me too.  He says “we’re married aren’t we?”

It’s the only relationship he knows for sure, secure, safe.  He tells me “I love you” everyday, in so many ways and often his blue eyes fill with tears because he feels cared for in a deep way, overwhelmed with gratitude.

These words also come with questions, in a very soft tone of voice:

  • I love you – Is it time to get up?
  • I love you – What should I wear? Does it go on top?
  • I love you – Is there something (to eat)?
  • I love you – Should I shave, no, shower?
  • I love you – Can I sit here (beside you)?

Dementia takes over his brain power but his heart remains in place.  It’s just like it was before this awful disease but now expressions of tenderness are in the forefront, almost unexpectedly.  Same quick reaction with sad thoughts, tears on a moments notice, great pools of blue. We don’t watch the DC news, who got murdered or died in a car crash, too sad.

 

 

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