I am a drug pusher

June 26, 2018 § 3 Comments

Steve 2018 June

Wearing my hat and (1) smiling, (2) relaxed, confused and (3) responding to my prompt for a smile:  “show me your teeth” – In 10 seconds, all 3 photos!

I am a drug pusher.  Words I thought I’d never write.  With a broken heart, I witness his continuing decline deeper into dementia.  On diagnosis, I promised him the best retirement that we could provide. He wasn’t fearful of what would happen next even though he had been the sole caregiver for his mother who had dementia and endured on a feeding tube, lying inert in a nursing home bed for years.

Back to the drug tale.   I sensed his suffering without sleep. Insomnia was depriving him of being present in his life.  Just staying awake had become his primary activity. One day recently, I stood next to him, clutching his hand, with his head tilted forward as if it were too heavy to be upright. I couldn’t make him laugh, no matter how silly I tried.

This cannot go on.  I had to do something to get him sleep.

For more than two years he has not been able to get a good night’s sleep. When he was living at home, he would keep me awake with pleas “what should I do?”  For the past year in assisted living, I have been hearing the reports of his nighttime adventures, gifting his belongings and toiletries to anyone and sometimes, the other residents would not want to give back their ‘gifts’ which were graciously accepted.  They were gifts, after all.

I had repeatedly asked his doctor and the directors at the facility to give him something to sleep. I’ve listened to many explanations of why facilities don’t want to medicate for sleep disorders because the meds can cause many bad effects including sleep-walking and  falls, hallucinations and grogginess the next day.

It was not easy to get his doctor to recommend a drug and write the prescription.  Everyone needs a medical advocate to fight for their quality of life! This is the take-away from this post.  I do not want to see needless suffering.  I cannot let him lose his sense of humor or be deprived of the joy of ice cream.

I am his voice. I am responsible. For the past two weeks, he has been sleeping at night and awake for breakfast.  He is alert and talking, it’s not the english that we share, but it doesn’t matter. Hearing his laugh, I nearly cried.  He’s still here.

A link to the drug is below.  It’s Rozerem aka Ramelteon.





§ 3 Responses to I am a drug pusher

  • wrgac@aol.com says:

    you are an angel on this earth and quite an inspiration

  • Marion J says:

    Ruth – Ruth – oh dear Ruth –
    I am so sad for you and Steve. You could not be doing a better job for you both with this “unique style of life. I admire you both. Lets have our delicious Italian dinner soon. You name the date. Miss you. Hugs,

  • Tanya says:

    So glad you stood. Your ground. Met with my Steve’s case manager today. 3 weeks ago she was going to graduate Steve from hospice. Last week when she saw him and weighed him he had lost 10 pounds in 2 months. He was listing to the right,could not sit-up straight so he is still under Hospice care

    We went thru his meds,took him off some and reduced dosage of ☠️2 drugs. The Hospice nurse approved the changes. And I will meet withe Hospice Dr this week.

    Am very angry with the Arden court’s doctor. May look into moving Steve to another facility. I know it’s not a good idea. But am frustrated with lack of transparency

Leave a Reply

What’s this?

You are currently reading I am a drug pusher at Creative Everyday.


%d bloggers like this: